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Couples piggyback through deeper waters like pairs of mating frogs. A century ago Germany's spa scene was strictly high society.
Others steam outside in thermal rockpools, wallowing like blissed-out manatees. The likes of King Edward VII and Russian Tsar Nicholas II "took the waters" in ritzy retreats such as Bad Homburg and Marienbad.
We perch on bar stools, bottoms just below the high-water mark. It's microcosm of a Friday night boozer beamed across to the South Seas.
A giant billboard of a nude couple makes clear that we're about to enter a compulsory clothes-off zone.
We buzz our wristbands at the electronic gate and drop our towels. Goofy, gangly and whiter than a weisswurst, they are hardly hardy specimens of Bavarian youth.
Yet they are as comfortable with their nakedness as I would have been mortified at the same age.
Soft music mutes any noise from your naked neighbour.
There's just enough light to read a newspaper by, but most of us doze on the contoured beds.
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It's not the nudity that shocks visitors to Europe's largest thermal spa. On a wintry Friday evening on the outskirts of Munich, post-work pals aren't watching TV or heading out for drinks.